So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
