I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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