My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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