I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
