Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
