Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
