I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
