I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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