They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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