Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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