He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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