Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
