Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize