I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
