I'm gonna have a badass scar
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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