You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
