I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
