the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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