we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
