No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
