Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
