Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have fence marks all over my body
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
