im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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