You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
