I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize