It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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