I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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