and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
