I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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