I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
