I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
