I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
