i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
