so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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