There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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