i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
