Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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