i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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