remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
