:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
