problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
