1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
