my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize