i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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