Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
