...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
