Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
