he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
