I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
