Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
