Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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