Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
