You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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