What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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