i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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