My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
