Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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