Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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