Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had sex on a roof
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
