just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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