this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We left the knife in your bed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
