i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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