I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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