coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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