I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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