i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
