Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
