just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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