just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she peed on how many people?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize