So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can text with my tongue
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize