people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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