nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
