I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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