FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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