my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
