i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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