if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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