you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
