How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
