Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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