I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
