Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
