I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize