I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
