the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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