i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mom said you looked used
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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