I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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