he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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