I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
