i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
jump out the window naked night went bad
True college students do jello shots in the library
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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