Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
