Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
