Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
